365 days later

Three hundred and sixty-five days ago I embarked on a hike that was to have lasted six months and tallied 2,650 some miles. The hours since that day have been filled with wonder, hardship, elation and sadness. I managed to hike <700> miles before I threw in the towel yet since the day I quit, I have been in a state of confusion. I tried, I really did, to be OK with choosing to stop hiking the trail but somehow or other I just could never make it stick. Yes, I had nasty blisters; yes, I had some kind of weird stomach bug; yes, 700 miles is a long way - and a great accomplishment if that was the aim. But my goal was something else and no matter which way I look at it, I just didn’t make it happen.

Last winter was tough. Aside from my usual lack-of-sun blues, lurking over my shoulder was this failure. This not-accomplishing of a dream I have had for more than ten years. Why wasn’t I able to stay on the trail? Am I not tough enough to struggle through the hard times to make something extraordinary happen? Where did my will power go? I’ve managed to live through 60 years of life…what did I do wrong?

Too many questions, not enough answers. Over this winter I would talk with friends and they would, understandably and kindly, respond with “You walked 700 miles, I couldn’t do that!” True, or maybe not true, but this is what they believe about themselves, and me. If I could believe this as well there would be no problem. But, as I’ve stated before, it just wouldn’t stick. I’ve continued to carry around this nagging sadness that would not go away, no matter what I did. All around it’s been a tough winter.

Spring is here. The class of 2013 is hitting the trail and they are doing much the same as I did last year.  Feelings of hope, anxiety, excitement and fear rule the day for most wanna-be thru hikers and I imagine there are lots of these kinds of feelings floating around in the southern part of my state. While I sit here in my hometown, many miles away and surrounded by green grass, citrus trees and an ocean breeze, kindred spirits are moving north. I pull weeds and they make miles. My thoughts are ever with them.

So I find myself asking, what are the qualities they have that I don’t have? What could I have done differently? What is it? Why? How come?

As I said, it’s been a very hard winter…

FINALLY!

Sorry about my lack of posting here. What is wrong with me? Well, my brain went from trail things to home things in the speed of light. I managed to hang tight till my home was vacated and since then, I've been cleaning, planting flowers and generally nesting. I've thought many times about this blog and what I want to say about my trip but somehow the words have remained in my brain and haven't pushed their way forward. I think I was feeling pressure to sum up the whole shebang in one go but really, this is to much to put into one post. So I have decided not to sum up the whole thing and just post my current thoughts about my hike and how I might have done things differently to get a different outcome... as in finish the trail in one go.

Three things I could have done differently

1. I spoke to Angela on most days. One would think, as I did, that this would be a good thing. Logically it would be good to have home support as much as possible, yes? But as it turns out, no. Daily contact from home made it harder to be where I was. I always knew what was happening at home and when things got hard on the trail, my thoughts went to home and how much I was missing and really, what the hell was I doing out here anyway? In case anybody wonders, it is really hard to be in two places at once. As a result I did a lousy job at both.

2. I really should have started the trail with 30 less pounds on my frame. I had hoped I could drop weight quickly but for whatever evil reason I didn't, and the extra weight played havoc with my body. Those deep blisters I had were a direct result of pounding, day after day on my old dogs. Plus, just the general fatigue of carrying thirty pounds of weight on top of the pack weight I carried. Do the math and it doesn't bode well for long distance success.

3. Lastly, I would have been helped by hiking more training miles before the trip started. My goal was to be up to 15 miles a day, three times a week prior to starting the trail but the reality turned out to be more like 12 miles, 2 or 3 times a week. That doesn't seem like much of a difference, and without the other challenges it might not have been too much trouble but with all the other things factored in, it was problematic.

People have been very kind to me. Saying that 700 miles is a lot (and it is) and they would never be able to do it, etc. All true maybe but still, I will probably always feel some disappointment at not meeting my goal of thru hiking the PCT in one go.

                         People on the trail looking out for eachother. A nice thing.

September 6th Home

Phew! I'm home. The last two days were full of road miles with yesterday coming in at an eight hour day. Just like a job-yikes! My truck is filled to the gills with gear, treasures of every kind and five weeks of accumulated dirt and dust. I can't move back into my place for three more weeks so it looks like I'll be juggling everything for a bit more time. I must remain calm...

This will be my last post for a while. I will be doing a recap here in the near future, once my brain filters through these last few months and pops out something intelligent, or at least intelligible. I'll have a long list of people to thank when I come back and hopefully more photos. So don't hold your breath, that would be counterproductive, but do check back in here in a couple of weeks.

Until then... roadside blackberries.

September 4th Hwy 5 South

Sitting in a Black Bear Diner, waiting for my salad to arrive. I left Eugene this morning and I made it to Grants Pass just in time for a lunch break. Yum. I've been jonesing for this salad for days. Hope it's good.

I am definitely ready to get home. I've visited myself out for the time being, even though I haven't seen everyone I had hoped to see. There just never seems to be time... or maybe energy, to get everything done. Oh well, next time.

Over these last few weeks my mind has been in two distinct places. Back on the trail and what that has meant to me, as well as what I've learned about myself in the process. Another part of my brain has been in the planning stages of the new building projects I've got rolling about in the 'ole noggin. This sure makes the miles fly by!

That's it for now.

August 31st Winding Down

It's been a couple of days since I entered this blog but I'll try to get caught up here.

I took a couple of days getting to Eugene from Cascade Locks and traveled on the east side of the Cascades to get here. First I took the short side trip to see Timberline Lodge which sits at the base of Mt Hood. If anyone ever gets the opportunity to visit this place, don't pass it up. It was built during the Depression by workers in the WPA. Incredible hand work and attention to detail. I took an hour long tour and learned lots of interesting stuff.

That night I stayed in Sisters, Oregon in their little city park. Not a wilderness setting for sure but still, comfortable enough. Next day I took off for my last attempt to feed hikers and drove west over the windiest road I could find. I had spectacular views of Mt Jefferson, Three Fingered Jack and the Sisters. I drove through an immense lava field, about 20 miles of the stuff. Met a couple of thru hikers, one named Lunch Box and eventually made my way over to Eugene in early afternoon, hanging with Janice and her dogs in the studio. Monty and I had a nap.

More tomorrow.

August 28th A Road Crossing

I really don't know where I am. I mean, I know I'm in Washington, southern section. I'm in a rain forest area. There is an unsigned crossing of the PCT right to my right but what road I've found myself on is a puzzle to me. Note to self: don't rely on Washington state maps for side road knowledge. But since I was looking for the PCT I guess I'm successful!

Anyway I put out my new, bigger sign right at the spot where the trail crosses the road, pointing towards my truck. In no time flat I had two hikers eating my junk food and seemingly quite happy about it. Border Control and Creature Child. He tall, bearded and, you guessed it, thin as a rail while she was chatty, friendly and wearing a raccoon tail pinned to the seat of her pants. I didn't ask.

I then drove to Cascade Locks and got a room at the Bridge of the Gods Motel and RV Park. Long name, clean room, nothing fancy. Tomorrow I'm headed to Sisters.

Pictures of the bridge and Columbia River, plus the hikers I met today.

August 27th Devil Creek

T and J, with the Vinnie boy dog, are coming to the cabin today as well as T's dad who I haven't seen since I did my big drive-around-the-country trip in 1984 and that's a long time. It'll be great to see him again.

I tidied up the cabin before I left this morning (to have breakfast at Whistlin Jacks restaurant) so they wouldn't have too much to do to prepare for their dads visit later today. I've been invited to stay over tonight and join them for dinner but we'll see how it goes. I'm getting that antsy feeling again. It might be time to hit the road.

Images of Devil Creek at dusk.